(Adapted from the works of Rudolf Dreikurs, Ross Greene & Alyson Schafer)
Development of Responsibility and Independence – the ability to take care of oneself.
Development of Social Interest – an interest in others and in the needs of a situation. Courtesy and respect for others.
DEMOCRATIC APPROACH TO PARENTING
Democratic parenting is based on freedoms, limits, order, responsibility and consequences. For everyone to have
freedom, we must have order. Order brings with it limits and responsibilities. For example, the freedom to ride a bike
comes with a responsibility to wear a helmet. Freedoms and responsibilities teach children the social laws of society.
Power struggles are all about winning – Don’t win.
The parent feels angry and provoked and it feels like being in a tug‐of‐war.
Instead of using domination to control their behavior, we need to win their cooperation instead.
GETTING OUT OF A POWER STRUGGLE
Before we can win their cooperation, we need to stop fighting. If power struggles feel like a tug‐of‐war, we need to drop
D – Determine you are in a power struggle.
R – Reflect‐back their emotion and re‐assess the needs of the situation.
O – Offer an olive branch. Show them that you come in peace.
P – Plow on positively. Focus on your actions instead of the child’s.
When the rope is dropped, we can move in a new direction and look to solutions.
PARENTING TOOLS: FINDING SOLUTIONS
- Fights/disagreements can be viewed as a family issue in need of a creative solution.
- Explore UNSOLVED PROBLEMS & LAGGING SKILLS.
Routines – let the routines be the boss and not because “I said so!”
Choices – the more choices you offer, the more empowered others feel.